Pentagon quartering plan

Press release:
Quarter Pounders, a 3rd Amendment activist group, has condemned the recent Pentagon leaks suggesting that the military begin quartering soldiers - - splitting troops into four equal parts.

A confidential Pentagon source said that military leaders floated the plan during a Joint Chiefs of Staff meeting last week. "Chiefs of Staff believe that by quartering troops the United States can quadruple its troop strength without expanding the military payroll," the source claimed.

The source explained that the military will strictly adhere to the letter of the law and exempt army personnel from the quartering plan. "Everyone knows that army personnel are soldiers. The constitution does prohibit the quartering of soldiers but makes no mention of Sailors, Marines, Airmen, or Coast Guardsmen. This cost cutting measure is necessary in this time of economic uncertainty."

The Quarter Pounders vehemently protest this clear violation of the United States Constitution which prohibits the quartering of military personnel. Quarter Pounders Spokesman Steven Ward said, "Even if the plan were constitutional, the medical technology does not yet exist to successfully split a person into four parts. Quartering is not only unconstitutional, it is unethical."